<Connecting Through Conversations: Combating Loneliness in Seniors>
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“I’m going to call one of my gentlemen shortly,” I mention. “So I’ll be on the phone for a bit.”
My partner grins. “I love that you refer to them as gentlemen,” he responds.
It’s amusing, but that’s how I regard them. I prefer to view these men as respected elders, more than just a duty, more than merely a “phone call.”
Since 2022, I have volunteered as a “caller” for the Motion Picture & Television Fund’s Daily Call Sheet, an initiative aimed at addressing the widespread isolation and loneliness experienced by seniors and individuals with disabilities.
The MPTF serves anyone who has worked in the motion picture or television industry—whether as cameramen, scriptwriters, makeup artists, or actors—providing programs related to health, aging, assisted living, counseling, and wellness.
For years, I thought of myself as a generous person, someone who dedicates free time to various causes. My mother has always been the ultimate volunteer, dragging my brother and me along on Meals on Wheels routes during summer breaks.
As an adult, I was busy working in theater and entertainment, writing, and keeping busy from age 22 to 50. However, I realized I had never truly volunteered my time for any causes since college.
It’s amusing how we can deceive ourselves.
What happened? I suppose work took precedence.
Life happened, along with a bit of self-centeredness.
I know many of you have volunteered as tutors, tour guides, drivers, soup kitchen servers, library organizers, and church helpers—the list goes on.
I somehow missed out.
When a friend mentioned that the Daily Call Sheet was looking for dedicated volunteers to regularly call homebound seniors, I jumped at the chance.
I thought, Hmmm, I can at least do that. I genuinely enjoy chatting with people, I’ve always held a deep respect for senior citizens, and former industry professionals often have fantastic stories to share.
After completing a comprehensive training program, the administrators matched me with three different men who expressed interest in receiving regular calls. Coincidentally, I was assigned all males, as I initially thought I’d be speaking with older women, given that men often hesitate to seek connection.
Due to confidentiality, I can’t provide specifics, but the matchmaking process was thorough.
- My first gentleman was a musician who had a successful career on Broadway and as an arranger for TV variety shows. A perfect match for me, as I’m a huge fan of classic entertainment.
- My second gentleman worked in the Camera Department on numerous Hollywood films from the 1960s through the early 2000s.
- The youngest of the three was a talented makeup artist and musical theater enthusiast who worked with prosthetics on major films and soap operas for decades.
I thought this would be enjoyable—a simple chat once a week about the good old days to lift their spirits. I felt prepared.
However, as the months passed (I’m now in my second year), it became clear that this experience is a two-way street. While they might benefit more outwardly, I’ve gained numerous lessons, realizations, and small epiphanies throughout the process.
Not Every Senior Wants to Discuss Their Past Careers
This should be obvious, yet it wasn’t for me. When you hear someone has worked in Hollywood, you assume they have endless stories to share. But how many of us truly want to talk about our careers in our 70s or 80s? For many, work was merely a means to an end, a tough grind rather than a joyful experience.
After years of responding to the dreaded cocktail party question—So, what do you do?—where our identities are often tied to our professions, it must feel liberating for seniors to be at a stage in life focused on themselves, only to be asked, So what did you do?
Truthfully, two of my gentlemen love reminiscing about the past and are still interested in contemporary films and the industry, but this experience has reminded me to connect with people as people in the present rather than solely based on their careers or histories.
Allow Seniors Time to Think
Though I’m only 50, I often find myself pausing in conversations with friends, searching for the right word. In my initial months, when one gentleman would pause mid-story, I’d rush to fill the silence, eager to help him find the word he was searching for.
We think we’re being helpful, and sometimes we might be. However, my time with the Daily Call Sheet has taught me patience. Instead of attempting to “help” them to ease my own impatience, I’ve learned to simply sit in silence and allow them to gather their thoughts. Most of the time, if I give them a moment, they’ll articulate what they want to say.
Yes, it might take a few extra seconds longer than we’re used to, but these individuals often deal with busy doctors, relatives who rush them off the phone, and adults who interrupt them. It’s essential to let them think. They’ll get there in their own time, expressing their thoughts in the words they choose.
Not All Seniors Have Families
This should be clear to me—I don’t have children myself, and I certainly don’t want to be treated as a second-class citizen in my later years because of my choice. Yet I admit that early on, I occasionally thought, It’s a shame they didn’t have children; perhaps they wouldn’t feel so lonely.
Those of you who are seniors know how dismissive that assumption is.
Having children doesn’t guarantee a smooth sailing in one’s later years or that someone will be cared for properly.
Not all senior citizens are grandparents or focused on family. They are individuals who have experienced decades of work, challenges, and life’s ups and downs, providing countless other topics for discussion and learning.
Senior Years Are Not Always a Walk in the Park
I never find these conversations overly depressing, yet they continue to be enlightening and very real. They prompt me to reflect on my own quality of life as I approach my senior years. These gentlemen enjoyed union wages and potentially well-funded pensions, yet financial constraints still persist.
Regardless of how vibrant life was in youth or how successful a career, we all face challenges, including confusing health plans, evolving technology, bureaucratic hurdles, and issues with dignity and privacy. These topics are often pushed to the back of our minds, as we hope to avoid them. But we’re fooling ourselves.
Since starting this program, I’ve lost one of my gentlemen—not to death, but to a rehabilitation facility where he chose not to continue our calls. As part of the training, we were made aware that we might accompany our callees through memory issues, declining health, or even death.
This is a possibility we face with anyone we interact with daily.
So, I continue to reach out.
Every week or so, I connect with my remaining two gentlemen. I listen as they navigate injuries, family issues, and days filled with joy or boredom. Sometimes I’m not in the mood. I’m not a trained therapist, and the topics can be heavy. Yet, I’m incredibly glad I signed up.
In a world filled with texts, apps, and instant messaging, millions are battling loneliness—not just seniors. You don’t need to be part of a formal program to make a difference.
I might be suggesting something groundbreaking—(gasp!)—an actual phone call, but this simple act can significantly impact someone’s day or even life. Not by calling to solve their problems or complain, but by offering one of the greatest gifts: your time and attention.
©2024 Joe Guay, All rights reserved
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