Chapter 1: The Essence of Love

As George Orwell once said, "Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood." This notion prompts us to reflect on the depth of love and understanding in our lives.

When we think about self-love, it’s often easy to settle for less than we deserve. For instance, if we view our self-love as a mere 25%, when someone offers us 40%, we might perceive it as a gain and accept it. However, if my employer told me I would only earn 40% of my salary, I would be understandably upset. So why do we allow ourselves to accept less in matters of love, worth, and desire?

Understanding love requires recognizing the significance of both actions and intentions. It’s essential to comprehend what truly matters to our partners and how they express love. This awareness enables us to approach love with a fuller heart. We owe it to ourselves to fully embrace who we are and who we aspire to become.

It’s important to clarify that we are never less deserving of love than we are capable of giving ourselves. Often, we engage in self-sabotage or compromise our worth due to how we perceive ourselves. This can also happen when we place our partner's value above our own.

As I navigate life and assess my ability to be a supportive partner, I also evaluate the level of self-love I possess. This wasn’t always at the forefront of my mind. I used to think I loved myself until I realized that my actions and the way I allowed others to treat me painted a different picture.

Reflecting back to my childhood, I found myself captivated by romantic narratives: boy meets girl, faces challenges, and ultimately, love triumphs.

Through my therapy journey, I’ve been redefining what love signifies for me. I’ve recognized that I have an anxious attachment style, and throughout my life, I have associated love with conflict, pain, uncertainty, and manipulation. This stems largely from my formative years and how those experiences shaped my adult relationships.

Looking back, I romanticized many unhealthy behaviors because of my yearning to be loved. I would accept any form of love, regardless of its cost to my well-being, just to feel complete. During my teenage years, I mistakenly believed that physical intimacy could fill the emptiness within me.

I thought that passionate encounters would make someone choose me. Unfortunately, these experiences often left me feeling worse about myself. I faced rejection but continued to strive for acceptance.

I held onto the belief that my true love would rescue me, perhaps even repair my emotional wounds. I envisioned a perfect partnership, living out a fairytale with happiness guaranteed.

This cycle became clear to me: sex and love are not interchangeable. My younger self lacked the ability to distinguish between the two. I struggled to understand why my relationships followed the same disheartening patterns. It never crossed my mind that I needed to both give and receive love, which required establishing boundaries.

My focus was solely on the idea that if someone loved me, even just a little, I could escape my emotional deficit. I never considered that I should be the one to love myself first.

Now that I’ve made strides in my emotional health, I have begun to see love in a new light. I no longer idolize the cinematic portrayal of love; instead, I recognize it in simple, everyday actions.

It started with setting my boundaries and then learning to uphold them. I was surprised when the world didn’t fall apart the first time I asserted myself.

The more I embraced self-love, the more I found I could give love to others. This cycle of self-love and giving has opened me up to receiving love, especially from myself. Yet, I still needed to clarify what love means within a relationship.

I discovered authentic love in the most unexpected moments, often during daily interactions. Love began to manifest as concern, difficult conversations, and small gestures like holding a door open. It became about wrapping myself in warmth on a chilly night and intertwining my cold feet with cozy ones.

It also involves vulnerability, shared laughter, and a commitment to support one another's dreams. Love reveals itself in joy, wiping away tears, playful banter, and navigating grief together. It thrives on mutual respect and understanding, honoring each other’s autonomy, and offering grace.

When love flourishes in the mundane, it eventually leads to those cinematic moments we adore—like a gentle kiss or shared glances during intimate moments.

However, I remain committed to loving myself. As I reimagine what romantic love should entail, I believe wholeheartedly that my future partner will motivate me to maintain self-love, even during my less-than-perfect moments.

Love embraces our humanity.

Chapter 2: Embracing Emotional Truths

In "Angels & Airwaves - LOVE: Reimagined - Part 1," the exploration of love through music echoes the themes of understanding and connection that we’ve just discussed.

The second part, "Angels & Airwaves - LOVE: Reimagined - Part 2," continues this journey of discovering love's complexities and beauty, reinforcing the idea that love is multifaceted and deeply personal.

Stop Telling People To Let Go We are all just walking each other home. - Ram Dass

Let Them Be - 3 Ways to Honor Attachment Styles in Relationships. People will show you who they are. Believe them the first time. - Maya Angelou

Pardon Me, But There’s Trauma Stuck to the Bottom of Your Shoe When people-pleasing and trauma are on display for all to see.