The Role of Ego

We tend to let our egos indulge in this negative emotion, allowing it to linger and negatively affect our mood. This continuous cycle, repeated over days, months, or even years, can severely impact our mental health. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Most people don’t realize there’s another way to respond to upset feelings. They often think, “Someone upset me, and now I feel terrible. What can I do about it?”

A Simple Approach: Reframing the Situation

Here’s a straightforward suggestion: frame your response to the situation. Start by acknowledging your feelings instead of denying them. For instance, if a colleague makes a remark about your weight, allow yourself to feel upset—because you have every right to. This isn’t about self-deception, which only complicates matters.

When something disturbs you, your initial reaction might be anger. Your heart races, and negative thoughts flood your mind. Ask yourself:

“Did that comment really upset me? Is it beneficial to dwell on it? No, it feels awful. Would focusing on this negativity help me in any way? Absolutely not. Therefore, I choose to let it go.”

The essence of this strategy is to see your response as a choice between nurturing your well-being or indulging in negativity. It’s hard to argue that dwelling on anger serves us well.

Ego's Resistance

However, be prepared for your ego to resist this choice. It might say, “Sure, letting go sounds nice, but that was just rude! I can’t let that slide!” This internal dialogue can persist for a long time.

At this point, your conscious self needs to step in: “Yes, that was rude. But is it good for me to let this feeling fester?”

Choosing to prioritize your well-being is crucial, but don’t rush to dismiss the feeling. It often requires patience and a more gradual approach.

The Art of Letting Go

After deciding to prioritize your emotional health, begin the process of letting go. Here’s a step-by-step guide:

1. Relax your body, focusing on areas of tension, particularly your head, neck, and chest.
2. Take a few deep breaths.
3. Identify where you feel the upset; for some, it’s in the stomach, while others may sense it in the chest.
4. Give this feeling space. Observe it without judgment or attempts to push it away.
5. Continue breathing through it, allowing it to fade.

You may need to repeat this process multiple times, as the ego can be persistent. However, with practice, the intensity of your feelings will diminish.

Make it a Game

Consider framing this process as a game where you are pitted against your ego. When you feel upset, remind yourself: “I’m angry, but who will prevail: my conscious self or my ego? If I let go, I’ll feel better; if I give in, I’ll remain in a negative state.”

This mindset encourages you to actively engage in the relaxation and letting go process, reinforcing the notion that you have the power to choose between feeling good or succumbing to negativity.

Confrontation vs. Letting Go

It’s important to clarify that letting go doesn’t mean you should tolerate disrespect. If someone’s behavior affects you, it may be beneficial to address it, weighing whether it aligns with your well-being. For example, if a coworker continues to make inappropriate comments, it’s reasonable to speak up.

In contrast, if your annoyance stems from a stranger’s actions, letting it go is the healthier option.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, the goal is to empower yourself with choices. You can choose to dwell on negativity and let it control you, or you can stand up for your peace of mind and let it go. Though it’s challenging, the more you practice letting go, the easier it becomes, leading to improved emotional well-being.

Explore my free meditation program at davidgerken.net for additional support on your journey.