Chapter 1: The Reflection of Relationships

The treatment you receive from others often mirrors how you instruct them to treat you. In many cases, human interactions resemble a cycle of consuming one another.

Milan Kundera once expressed, "The greatest tragedy of human life is that it is not the life we want, but the life we have brought upon ourselves. I have no troubles to speak of, for my sorrows are unspeakable." Indeed, a significant portion of our challenges stems from our own actions. This notion extends to our relationships as well. You might feel unfortunate in your associations, believing that your genuine efforts are met with ever-increasing demands.

What we often fail to recognize is that we play a role in the decline of our relationships. The fundamental nature of human interaction involves a continuous process of testing. If you maintain the belief that sustaining relationships necessitates endless compromise, you will likely end up feeling increasingly disregarded and undervalued.

Osamu Dazai, in "No Longer Human," noted, "Being overly enthusiastic towards anyone only increases the likelihood of being taken for granted." When you invest wholeheartedly in friendships, sacrificing your comfort to care for others, you inadvertently teach them that your feelings can be overlooked. Similarly, if you consistently accommodate colleagues, never refusing their excessive requests even when overwhelmed, you signal that your boundaries are easily manipulated.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with kindness and sincerity, it is vital to recognize when your goodwill is taken for granted. If your initial acts of generosity are betrayed, it becomes crucial to understand that not everyone warrants your compassion. Otherwise, your silence and patience may not resolve issues but instead empower others to continue mistreating you.

This leads us to the common adage that people act as mirrors to one another. If those around you tend to boss you around or exert control, it highlights a lack of self-assertion on your part. Conversely, if people belittle or ridicule you, it often reflects your excessive concern for their opinions and judgments.

When you project weakness, you might attract more negative individuals, not due to their inherent strength, but because your timid demeanor reveals a sense of low self-worth. Think of it like a balance scale: only with equal force can interactions remain balanced. When you lower your stance voluntarily, the balance shifts, making it inevitable that you find yourself in a subordinate position.

Ultimately, this dynamic can be understood through the lens of energy exchange. In psychology, it is often said that relationships can resemble a process of consumption. If you are not strong enough, you may easily be overtaken by others.

In adult relationships, being kind does not guarantee reciprocal treatment. Instead, the way you treat yourself fundamentally determines how others treat you. Often, the more understanding and empathetic you are, the less you are valued; it is through the harsh realities of human nature that we come to this realization. One can strive to be cultured and refrain from harming others but must also cultivate an aura that protects oneself from harm.

When you prioritize others excessively, continuously giving and compromising, you often find yourself being the one who suffers. Moving forward, remind yourself to recognize your own worth.

Eliminate excessive leniency, abandon blind tolerance, and discard unprincipled kindness. To prevent others from overstepping, you must first learn to set your own boundaries. Stand firm when necessary, ensuring that those who prey on the vulnerable keep their distance.

Regardless of the company you keep, maintaining a positive and assertive energy is your greatest defense. It communicates to others that your kindness is valuable and should not be squandered.

Finally, remember this essential principle for sustaining comfortable and lasting relationships: it hinges on mutual respect and attraction, not on relentless efforts to please or demeaning servitude. The type of person you are will shape the relationships you cultivate.

Strive for self-improvement. As you evolve, your confident and vibrant presence will naturally teach others how to appreciate, acknowledge, and support you.

In this video titled "TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU (5 Mistakes to Avoid + How to Fix Them)," you'll learn about common pitfalls in relationships and how to establish healthier dynamics.

Lisa Nichols discusses the importance of teaching others how to treat you in her insightful video "Teach People How To Treat You." Discover strategies for setting boundaries effectively.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.