Understanding Addiction: Lessons from Living with an Addicted Parent
Written on
Chapter 1: The Duality of Fatherhood
Growing up, I experienced a unique dichotomy in my family life—two fathers. One was nurturing and caring, while the other inflicted pain and disappointment. My sober father gradually became a rare presence in my life, overshadowed by an intoxicated figure who was often aggressive and emotionally distant. As I reflect on this, my heart aches for the father I once knew, the one who would become emotional at the sight of me in a beautiful dress.
Despite my anger towards my father for his struggles, I've come to understand the complexity of his battle with addiction. I want to share the lessons I've learned for those who also have loved ones grappling with addiction.
Section 1.1: The Nature of Alcoholism
For a long time, I attributed my father's behavior to carelessness and immaturity. What else could you call someone who disrupts family gatherings and drives everyone crazy? However, I stumbled upon a statement from Dr. George Koob, the director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, which shifted my perspective:
“A common misperception is that addiction is a choice or moral problem, and all you have to do is stop. But nothing could be further from the truth.”
I learned that alcoholism is recognized as a disease by many medical organizations. It is chronic, progressive, and potentially fatal. Simply put, it manifests as a mental obsession—an uncontrollable thought process.
Imagine the feeling of falling in love for the first time; no matter how hard you try to distract yourself, that person remains on your mind. This is akin to the struggle of an alcoholic. They often wish to rid themselves of the thought of drinking, yet that thought looms large and relentless.
The first video titled "Lessons from the Child of an Addict | Emily Smith | TEDxErie" explores the emotional turmoil faced by those with addicted family members, shedding light on the lessons learned from such experiences.
Section 1.2: The Physical Toll of Addiction
Have you ever noticed how a person's demeanor shifts after a few drinks? Alcohol alters brain function, and for many addicts, its presence becomes essential—much like the need for water. When the toxic substance wanes, cravings set in. I used to think withdrawal symptoms only appeared after prolonged abstinence, but experts reveal that cravings can begin as soon as six hours after the last drink, manifesting as headaches, nausea, and more severe symptoms if left untreated.
I now understand that when my father relapsed after a brief period of sobriety, it was not merely for enjoyment; it was a desperate attempt to alleviate his suffering.
Chapter 2: Distorted Realities of Addiction
The second video, "A Message of Hope for Parents with Addicted Children," offers encouragement and insights for families grappling with addiction, emphasizing the importance of hope and understanding.
Section 2.1: The Deceptive Nature of Addiction
We offered my father countless chances to change, exploring various interventions from rehabilitation centers to therapy. Yet, he remains steadfast in his belief that he’s not at fault. It took time for me to accept that he views his actions as justified, but I struggle with understanding how he can inflict harm upon himself.
Dr. Koob's insights reveal that addiction alters the brain's reward system, which is designed to promote survival through healthy behaviors. This system becomes inverted in addicts, leading them to believe that only through intoxication can they feel safe.
Section 2.2: The Pursuit of Happiness
In my family's attempts to support my father, we believed that surrounding him with love would overshadow his addiction. However, he often appeared indifferent, as if the joy of family interactions no longer resonated with him.
This emotional detachment is not a reflection of our family’s worth but rather a consequence of addiction. Substance use diminishes the brain's sensitivity to dopamine, the so-called "happiness hormone," making it difficult for addicts to experience joy.
Section 2.3: Understanding the Roots of Addiction
Addiction often stems from a deeper issue, such as self-medication for mental health disorders. While alcohol may initially provide relief, it exacerbates existing problems, leading to a cycle of dependence.
Understanding my father's struggles compels me to approach him with compassion rather than judgment. I realize that instead of making assumptions about his pain, I need to engage and offer support.
In conclusion, recognizing the profound challenges faced by my father has deepened my resolve to understand him better and find ways to assist him in his journey. I promise to seek out the truth and extend my hand in hope.