Toxic Relationships: Why Support Matters in Your Writing Journey
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Understanding Unsupportive Relationships
Recently, someone inquired about my approach to dealing with family and friends who lack support for my writing endeavors. The unvarnished reality is that I simply do not engage with them.
Their negative influence can undermine your creative spirit.
Let me share some context to clarify my perspective, which may inspire you to take protective steps for yourself as well. I have been passionate about writing for many years—since I first discovered it four decades ago. Throughout my tumultuous teenage years, I managed to draft three novels (which I now recognize were not great) and many short stories. Instead of socializing, I often found myself at my typewriter, relishing the therapeutic outlet it provided, channeling the pain of my challenging childhood experiences into my characters.
The path ahead was fraught with difficulties. By my early twenties, I had already experienced marriage, fatherhood, and divorce. It was during this time that I entered a second marriage that initially seemed promising but quickly devolved into a cycle of severe abuse.
She was aware of my aspirations as a writer and recognized my longing to publish my stories, to let them breathe and flourish in the world. Unfortunately, a few years into the abuse, she destroyed everything I had ever written, tossing my work into a bonfire.
Her haunting words still linger with me: “You’re worthless. This is for your own good. No one wants to read this trash.” That day marked the end of my writing for the three years that followed.
After finally escaping that relationship, I returned to writing, fueled by a fierce determination. I’ve always been quite prolific; on a productive day, I can easily surpass 8,000 words and have even completed three short stories in a single day. Once I get into the flow, I can’t seem to stop.
The next relationship I entered was with someone who aided my escape from my abusive marriage. While she understood my passion for writing, she often seemed distant about it, which I didn't think much of at the time. All I wanted was to write and share my stories.
Tragically, a year later, she ended our relationship without warning, leaving me with nothing but the clothes I wore and what was in my car. In a matter of moments, I lost over two decades of work and countless stories. This devastation stemmed from individuals who showed no regard for my passions or aspirations—merely cruel users. As a result, I didn’t write again for over 15 years.
Imagine the stories that went unwritten during that time—15 years of potential creativity snuffed out by those who didn’t care about my growth as a writer. It was a painful lesson, one that still influences my writing approach today.
Even after publishing over 14 books and numerous short stories, I still wrestle with self-doubt. That persistent voice in my head occasionally tells me I’m not good enough or that I should just give up. Silencing that voice can be a challenge.
So, yes, the stark reality is that when family or friends are unsupportive of my writing now, I sever ties without hesitation. I’m not referring to those who are simply indifferent; there are individuals who actively discourage you, asserting that your dreams are futile or that you lack the talent.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
I choose to distance myself from such individuals—they are as inconsequential to me as a discarded toenail. This decision is essential because I've learned that they pose the greatest threat to my mental health and creative career.
Their negative energy and harmful words echo the sentiments of my ex-wife, who once burned my work. Such people must be avoided at all costs.
I suspect many of them are using you in some way. Consider a friendship where you offer support and assistance, but when you share your dreams or new ideas, they respond with discouragement. This imbalance can drain your energy and stifle your aspirations.
It may seem harsh, but it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being. I might come across as unsympathetic, but I've endured tough lessons and want to prevent others from similar experiences. Protect your heart and focus on those who uplift you. Question why you would keep someone around who actively undermines your dreams.
Is the relationship mutually beneficial? Are they contributing as much as they take from you?
To reclaim my writing, I decided never to allow unsupportive people into my life again. I refuse to relive the past. Surround yourself with those who elevate you instead of dragging you down.
"Your Friends Don't Support Your Music" - This video delves into the challenges faced by artists when their friends and family don't back their creative pursuits. It highlights the need for supportive relationships in the creative process.
The Dangers of Toxic Relationships
"Distance Yourself From THESE Kind of People | Mel Robbins" - In this inspiring video, Mel Robbins discusses the importance of distancing yourself from toxic individuals who hinder your growth and ambitions.
The lessons I've learned have shaped my writing journey and helped me navigate the complexities of relationships.
About Me
I am an author with numerous published works, both in book form and short stories. My experience spans traditional and self-publishing, and I enjoy discussing their respective merits. I write to express myself and improve my circumstances, as I live on a very limited income. If you appreciate my work and wish to support me, consider buying me a Ko-Fi. Thank you for being here, and remember to strive for your best self.