Chapter 1: The Struggle for Self-Esteem

How did I allow my self-esteem to be eroded by my ex-husband? I never imagined I would reach a point where loving myself felt like a distant dream.

Despite my efforts to salvage my marriage, I ended up losing sight of everything I valued about myself. However, I have good news: I am finally back to loving who I am. My marriage counselor’s insights resonated deeply with me; the turmoil of my relationship had tipped the scales, but now I have found balance again.

It was an intense battle, one where I felt overwhelmed by self-doubt and despair. The truth is, my ex-husband didn’t have the power to diminish my self-worth; I did that to myself. I lingered in a relationship that was detrimental, becoming someone who was unhappy and frustrated. I kept giving chances to someone who didn’t earn them, making excuses for his behavior instead of standing firm.

I transformed into a person I hardly recognized—someone who resorted to yelling, believing that volume would somehow compel my husband to listen. I found myself uttering words that should never be spoken, all while feeling the pressure of a collapsing self-image.

It’s exhausting even to think back on that time. I let a man—specifically, one who behaved appallingly—reshape my identity until I no longer liked who I saw in the mirror. I cast aside the self-confidence I had built over the years.

Even as I write this, I fight back tears at the thought of ever having surrendered my self-esteem to anyone, especially someone unworthy. I recall the pain of losing my self-respect and how I continued with counseling after my husband opted out.

“I feel terrible about myself,” I confided in my therapist.

“Colleen,” he replied, “You were once a happy and confident person, and you will be again. The darkness you perceive will give way to light.”

I left that session with renewed hope, believing that I could one day appreciate who I am again.

The guilt over my choices weighed heavily on me, especially knowing how they affected my children. I believed that holding onto my marriage equated to preserving our family, but my mistakes haunted me. My counselor wisely noted, “No one is tougher on Colleen than Colleen.”

It’s hard to fathom how my husband’s sudden turn to drinking and erratic behavior impacted me. Initially, I established firm boundaries and asked him to leave. But love can be a powerful force, leading us to compromise our values. I repeatedly offered him chances, which ultimately wore me down.

This tendency to enable was my downfall. My counselor explained that overly compassionate individuals often find themselves in unhealthy dynamics, making excuses for their partners and neglecting their own well-being. My failure to protect myself led to the sacrifice of my self-esteem.

This struggle explains why I fell out of love with myself, why I felt like I lost my identity, and why I am now on a path to reconnecting with who I am.

It’s a profound transformation that showcases how divorce can profoundly affect a woman. I’m still grappling with how I let myself slip away in the first place.

Chapter 2: Moving Forward

In the video titled "Should I Reach Out To My Ex After No Contact," the discussion revolves around the complexities of reconnecting with an ex-partner. This exploration might provide insights that can aid in your healing process.