Influencing Change: Navigating Communication and Understanding
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Chapter 1: Understanding the Challenge
I recently spoke with a man expressing his frustration about connecting with his “brainwashed” father, wishing to bring him back to a more realistic perspective.
I don’t subscribe to the idea that there are individuals whose minds are completely unchangeable. Rather, I think there are those whose transformation I lack the time, energy, or expertise to facilitate. However, what if you are prepared to invest infinite time and effort? If it’s a child, a spouse, a close friend, or a family member, and you genuinely want to engage deeply, what then? In this case, your approach should align with the Three Gates: honesty, kindness, and effectiveness.
Assume that every person—and all living beings—strive to move away from discomfort toward joy, provided they can envision a pathway to achieve this. If you accept this premise, then consider that the truth, if it exists, acts like an accurate map. A misleading map might provide temporary comfort (like thinking you’re nearly out of the woods!) but ultimately leads to greater confusion. The truth is always preferable; it is the most reliable means to escape suffering and pursue joy.
If you accept this view, the false beliefs your audience holds are likely firmly entrenched because they perceive them as protective, reducing their pain. They may dismiss your perspective as it threatens their sense of safety or pleasure. They are not lacking intelligence; they have valid reasons for their convictions. If you possess a deeper truth that offers a more effective way to alleviate their pain and enhance their joy, and if they trust you, their behavior is bound to shift. Humans are inherently programmed to seek pleasure and happiness. Your task is to help them recognize this. The simpler the test they can conduct to validate your claims, the more accessible it will be for them.
However, an easy test isn’t the sole requirement. Their beliefs often intertwine with broader frameworks, such as: “I must adhere to my tribe’s beliefs. Even if they are erroneous, abandoning them could jeopardize my place within the tribe, potentially leading to isolation.” Or: “If this belief is incorrect, it calls into question numerous related beliefs, which can be frightening.” Therefore, it is crucial to ascertain whether a belief is supportive or supported by other misconceptions or choices.
Clearly, this is a complex endeavor, and unless you genuinely care, it’s not a maze to navigate casually.
Section 1.1: The Three Key Steps to Influence
Given this context, the three fundamental steps to influence others can be summarized as follows:
- Establish Rapport: “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” If you find yourself thinking “you fool,” you can be assured that it will manifest in your body language, tone, and expressions. They will pick up on it. Therefore, you must start with authentic love and respect for them, even if you disagree with their stance. Remember, you’ve been mistaken before and will be again. We all require understanding. Build rapport by identifying shared beliefs and expanding from there. “Nice weather today, right?”
- Understand Their Motivations: This aspect is a sub-set of the first rule: identify how they utilize pain and pleasure as motivators. You need to comprehend their values and how they perceive the world. Everyone is the protagonist in their own narrative. If they sense that you care, they may reveal their internal structure and worldview. Conversely, if you come off as confrontational or dismissive, they will defensive. Wouldn’t you?
- Connect Pain and Pleasure: If you can link the pain associated with their current beliefs to the pleasure found in new ones, they will be compelled to move in that direction. This method is consistently effective.
What if a quicker approach is necessary? Disrupt Their Pattern: When defenses are high and rigidity prevails, a “pattern interrupt” is essential. This involves altering their focus, language, or body movements, as these elements influence emotions. Laughter serves as an excellent pattern disruptor, as do dance, walking, or discussions about enjoyable topics like food. If you achieve rapport, grasp how they perceive their beliefs as protective, and connect pain to their current behaviors while attaching pleasure to new beliefs, then inducing laughter can provide an opportunity for you to extend an honest and compassionate hand.
Section 1.2: Aligning with Higher Purposes
- Link New Actions to Their Higher Purposes: What do they value in life? Their grandchildren? Spiritual beliefs? Their nation? Perhaps a career they aspire to or a goal they are driven to achieve? If you can associate new behaviors with these higher purposes, they will find their own motivation to change.
This basic approach encapsulates genuine care, understanding their perspective, disrupting established patterns, and connecting to their higher purpose.
If you can execute these steps in order, your chances of engaging them effectively will significantly increase. However, keep in mind that they will change based on their motivations, not yours. If you lack the respect to learn about their reasoning and emotions, you forfeit your right to influence them. Viewing them as objects rather than subjects is a dangerous perspective.
As the Sufis suggest, perceiving individuals as objects, rather than subjects, marks the onset of all human malevolence.
Namaste
Steve
www.lifewritingpodcast.com
Chapter 2: Exploring Spiritual Gates
The first video titled "Understanding Spiritual Gates (Ear & Eye Gates) - Stephanie Ike Okafor" delves into the significant impact of our sensory perceptions on our spiritual journey. It emphasizes how our engagement with the world through our senses can either hinder or enhance our spiritual growth.
The second video, "How a Line Affects a Gate in Human Design," explores how the lines within Human Design can influence our actions and decisions. Understanding these elements can provide deeper insights into our personal motivations and interactions with others.