Chapter 1: The Weight of Self-Improvement

I find myself weary of the ongoing cycle of self-betterment. Perhaps it's due to decision fatigue, a midlife crisis, or something else entirely. It hit me one morning, after waking up at 4 a.m. to squeeze in all the so-called "essential morning rituals," that I still didn’t have enough hours in the day. Was it the article claiming that sleep was paramount that pushed me over the edge? Or was it the insistence of others to take cold showers?

Despite my exhaustion, my mind continues to nag me about the productivity strategies I haven't yet adopted. I often skip journaling, fail to exercise regularly, and neglect making a to-do list before diving into work. Instead, I find myself selecting which task to prioritize each day. This has led me to a new perspective: perhaps brushing the cat right now is more important than my routine. And maybe, that’s perfectly acceptable.

I remind myself that during various phases of my life when I maintained "ideal" discipline, I didn't necessarily experience greater happiness. Even then, that persistent voice echoed in my mind—there's always more room for growth.

An improvement plan became my comforting safety net, providing the illusion of youth and staving off my fears about aging. The adoption of new habits kept my optimism alive, suggesting that I might soon unlock the secrets to a more fulfilling life. I believed that with the right combination of activities, happiness was within reach.

Yet, I now recognize a troubling pattern.

Do I genuinely desire a life defined by a rigid morning routine that repeats day after day?

Recently, I explored a book on habits and discovered the concept of linking new behaviors to established ones. I decided to apply this technique by associating the act of feeding my cat with donating a book. Each time I filled her bowl, I glanced at the overflowing shelves and donated one book. It was successful! I witnessed firsthand how minor daily changes could lead to significant results.

Sometimes, I take this to the extreme. In my quest to link every mundane task to my goals, I attempted to combine actions in the morning: while eating breakfast, I emptied the dishwasher; post-shower, I did a set of push-ups; while brushing my teeth, I performed squats. Within an hour, I felt like I was becoming a robotic creature, imprisoned by my routines.

This seemed to contradict my desire to embrace the present moment, as well as my true nature, which I often overlook. I am not inherently undisciplined; I am simply laid-back and forgiving. It’s okay to just live. My mother taught me this lesson: to remain flexible and not to become ensnared by singular missions that obscure what truly matters.

What I need is a book that discourages habit-forming. A guide that encourages trust in my ability to respond to the moment as it arises. Oh, wait! I already own those! They are my meditation books, which I allowed to gather dust. Is this why I keep hopping onto the "new habits" bandwagon? I yearn for quick solutions in a world that feels overwhelmingly complex.

Breaking free from the habit of being a habit enthusiast is a challenging endeavor. It requires a significant leap of faith to trust that each moment will lead me to the next. Yet, I am willing to try once more.

Chapter 2: Embracing the Present Moment

The first video titled "The Sick Truth About Self-Improvement (Why I Quit)" delves into the pitfalls of relentless self-improvement and the importance of recognizing when enough is enough.

The second video, "Why Self-Improvement is Ruining Your Life," explores how the pursuit of constant enhancement can lead to dissatisfaction and stress, urging viewers to reconsider their approach to personal growth.