Chapter 1: Understanding Self-Bullying

The aspiration to enhance oneself is a fundamental human trait. This drive encourages us to seek better outcomes in our careers, studies, and overall vitality. Such ambitions can propel us toward growth, enriching our lives. However, when this desire morphs into relentless self-demand, it can become a heavy burden.

Within this cycle, individuals feel compelled to always "make progress," often sacrificing rest and leisure. This relentless pursuit can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration, as if one is perpetually falling short. The emotional toll of this internal struggle often manifests as emptiness and fatigue.

While the intention to improve oneself is commendable, the pressure to do so can resemble self-bullying, a form of internal violence.

First, the harsh demand for self-improvement can overshadow genuine emotions and needs, leading to burnout. The quest for a "better self" may push individuals to their limits, ignoring the importance of rest, health, and supportive connections. Many find themselves exhausted, yet they continue to chase efficiency as if it were the ultimate goal. This relentless pursuit can feel like a carrot dangling just out of reach.

Moreover, the constant chase for self-betterment often diminishes the value of one’s current self. There are two mindsets: one rooted in the belief "I am good enough, and I want to improve" versus "I am not enough, and I must be better." The latter reflects a diminished self-worth, leading to a persistent sense of emptiness and inadequacy that can permeate various aspects of life.

Third, the pressure to improve, particularly when disconnected from reality, can instigate frustration and self-criticism. One may feel inadequate in terms of talent, intellect, or luck. Over time, this self-criticism can foster feelings of depression, creating a belief that failure to improve equates to an unworthy existence.

The origins of this self-bullying often lie in self-esteem. Reflect on your childhood experiences: Did you receive sufficient affirmation? A healthy self-worth is crucial in determining whether one feels "good enough" and influences the motivation to pursue improvement.

Furthermore, the rapid growth of the internet has intensified these self-imposed demands. The notion of self-improvement has become a pervasive expectation, affecting many:

On one hand, the overwhelming flow of information and communication can detract from genuine self-reflection, leading to greater susceptibility to external influences. On the other hand, societal standards that prioritize rapid success, efficiency, and an idealized lifestyle create unrealistic benchmarks for individuals.

What complicates matters is that this self-exploitation can be subtle and difficult to recognize:

This internal narrative is often framed positively, encouraging a pursuit of a "brighter future." When our true goals are unclear, we can easily internalize these expectations as our own aspirations. Since these pressures appear as self-imposed choices, they can feel liberating, making resistance seem like rebellion against oneself. As a result, self-exploitation becomes a painful yet willingly accepted routine.

Chapter 2: Strategies to Combat Self-Bullying

How can we resist the tendency to engage in self-bullying? Overcoming this internal struggle requires time and patience. Here are some approaches to consider:

First, acknowledge feelings of exhaustion and burnout. It’s crucial to recognize and accept these feelings as indicators that something is draining your energy. Often, our bodies signal fatigue before we consciously recognize it, manifesting in physical sensations and energy levels.

When you feel burned out, pause and take time to rest. Understanding the root cause of your fatigue is far more important than simply attempting to regain positivity. Embracing this experience allows for a shift away from the fast-paced, high-pressure mindset.

Additionally, use this opportunity to reflect and explore new thought processes. Ask yourself critical questions:

• Are your goals genuinely aligned with your desires, or are they merely imposed expectations?
• Is sacrificing your well-being truly reflective of your aspirations?
• If you struggle to improve, consider whether external factors are at play. Is it acceptable to recognize that you are still worthy, even if you do not meet the idealized version of yourself?

Connecting with specific individuals and engaging in authentic relationships provides valuable feedback and helps mitigate self-violence. Genuine interactions foster real experiences and reduce the impact of illusory standards, offering a more objective perspective.

Ultimately, while the aspiration to "become a better self" is a beautiful vision, the relentless demand for self-improvement can morph into a curse, leading to self-exploitation.

Breaking free from these chains may not be instantaneous, but allowing yourself to experience burnout and reassessing what "becoming a better self" truly means is essential for growth. Embrace the courage to acknowledge your current self and the confidence to say, "I can pursue improvement, but I am also enough as I am."

In this insightful video, a psychologist shares strategies to break free from self-sabotage in just ten minutes. Discover how to reclaim control and foster a healthier mindset.

This podcast episode outlines six steps to halt self-sabotage and highlights how to identify personal triggers. Gain valuable insights into your journey towards self-acceptance.